Demons

The last year has been hard....

An understatement I guess. Most people know that I'm getting medically discharged from the Navy.

It was unexpected, but it's out of my hands and I'm trying to accept it the best I can. 

The other day I had someone react to hearing about it and they kind of chuckled about it and said, 

"Really? You're getting kicked out because of headaches?" 

All I could think was, "If only you knew. You have absolutely no idea." 

So I kind of feel like letting people know wouldn't be a bad thing. So, no. I'm not getting discharged because of migraines. 

For those that don't know, I was recently diagnosed as a Severe Bi-Polar Type 1 with strong Anti-Social and Schizoid traits. It took months of tests and visits with both psychiatrists and psychologists to figure out what's been going on in my head. I'm not sure how I feel about the diagnosis. 

If I go up to any person and tell them, it makes me sound crazy. And maybe I am. I know that Bi-Polar runs in the family. To be honest, it's a lot more than what I originally thought it was. People think of someone who is bi-polar as being someone who's mood wavers and flops here and there. But to leave it at that, sells short the severity of what some people deal with. But I felt that's what it was... I mean, up until a while ago. Now that I'm "official" and I've reached out to others that suffer from it, I'm finding the description falls fairly well in line with my struggles. Some people have it at a fairly manageable level. Some don't. My doc says I'm more the latter. He says I'm around a 7-8 out of 10. 'Says it's a "severe case" and that I may struggle with this to a point where he expects I'll have trouble with work and relationships my whole life. Of course with a lifetime of medication/therapy. ---------

.....My Favorite....

So that's why I'm getting discharged. 

Sure the migraines make my life a living hell; making is hard to see and even stand sometimes, but it is not why i'm leaving. I've got some pretty big mental issues.

 I hate the way that sounds. I hate sounding like I'm defective. I mean; I accept it, but it is nonetheless a millstone around the neck in some of the dreams I had. I guess that's all I have to say. I just wanted to clear the air.

So that's all I've got to say I guess. Some people will judge regardless, but honesty doesn't need to be validated any more than by the person providing it.

I'm at peace with this. In light of the uncertainty of what lies ahead.